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It is good to have a god owing you—unless that god is in any way chaotic. Though, Kaala Goddess of Monsters seems quite friendly and stable.

That proves nothing, if I were a chaotic god then I would act calm, friendly and stable just because that is the last thing most people would expect of me.

Kinda means you’re not embodying your godly virtues, though.

not necessarily, there are multiple types of chaos out there… being kind, gentle and polite, yet also commanding hordes of blood thirsty killer monsters would be confusing and chaotic to players and characters within the game. It is also stated that many years have passed, so Gods can easily change, meaning a god of chaos could eventually mellow out a bit. if ya want examples just look at Roman, Greek, and Egyptian gods/Goddesses… They had LOTS of growth and change over the years.

I don’t think you need the extra comma after I in “I owe you”. Doubling up on commas in the “Hmm, Well, thank you” is a little awkward too; could replace that first comma with a normal period to let the “Hmm.” be its own sentence/sound.

Kaylin’s mouth looks a little odd in the bottom panel, like it doesnt connect all the way to her lips. Her chest also looks REALLY pronounced in that last shot (maybe like her top is falling open/apart?), though I doubt many will complain about that ^.^;;

That little pup in the first panel looks utterly adorable though 🙂

As for the rest… yeah this is a LOT more forthcoming and gracious than I had expected from Kaala, even given her earlier appearance. Looking forward to some interesting loredrops when we resume!

The intent of the “,I,” is so that when people read it they don’t read it as “I owe you.” it’s “I, the goddess of monsters, personally owe you” without all the needed text. It added emphasis on the I without a pause. I believe it works for this spoken dialogue. I am less sure about the “Hmm” as I probably could put a period and it doesn’t change much.

As for Kaylin’s mouth- why did you say that about Kaylin’s mouth and not Kaala’s? They both do the same thing. It’s a pretty standard anime look. It’s not realistic but it’s often done in anime and manga to make it quick and easy to have the mouth express something while making it easy to change in the event they want to edit it- or in animation makes it really easy to add “lip flaps”. It’s used so often it’s just something I’ve picked up when doing my art. So I am mostly wondering why it stood out on Kaylin, and not Kaala?

I can understand that you are trying to make a distinction “I owe you” and “I (title) owe you”, but the extra comma doesnt feel like it provides that emphasis in my reading – looks more like a typo. However I’ll take it as read that you have a specific intention for the phrasing and leave it at that 🙂

I’m not sure why my eyes weren’t drawn to the mouth style on Kaala as much as on Kaylin, but I definitely see it there too now that you point it out. Overall there’s no reason I shouldn’t have noticed it on Kaala (or on previous pages, but I haven’t gone back looking for that specifically) – just for some reason it particularly caught my attention on this page.

If I had to try and pick apart my visual processing, I see more/thicker “blank skin space” between the red of Kaylin’s tongue and her protruding bottom lip, while her upper lip and the “mouth-black” practically touch. On Kaala that top vs bottom distance appears more uniform, like it more closely follows the indentation between her lips.

It’s interesting trying to pick this effect apart on a technical basis. Obviously I am not saying that it is WRONG in any way, and hopefully the description of what I am seeing helps you 🙂

The “Hmm, well, thank you” makes sense if you imagine her pausing to think in both places. The “I, owe you” is a bit unusual, but I can see that as a way to emphasize that “_I_ owe _you_ rather than the other way around”. This might be a stretch though.

All that being said, I’m here for a good story rather than literary perfection 😛

No worries, I make mistakes with replying all the time 🙂

I think the “Hmm,” being a comma splice stood out more due to the word balloon putting it alone at the top with lots of whitespace around it; if it had all been on a single line “Hmm, well, thank you” I doubt I would have paid as much attention to it either. Standing visually alone makes it feel more like it’s meant to its own thought.

Agree though that I dont think either of us are here to nitpick! Ideally responses like this are helpful, partially like a free crowd-sourced proofreading before eventual printing :p

Did . . . did Kaylin go up a cup size (or two)? Certainly gives a new meaning to the term “levelled up”! But I doubt Nyna would mind, lol. Anyhow, thank you so much for your continuing work (labor of love, I’m sure).

(Here’s hoping that enabling JS will fix replies for me.)

Now that you pointed out the two mouths, they do come across different to me. I think the reason is that Kaylin’s tongue colour is surrounded by a similar shade of her skin from the south, whereas Kaala seems to have a dark highlight separating her tongue colour from her skin colour. At least that’s what it looks like. I wouldn’t have noticed any of this on my own though 🙂

Uh oh. Not having at least one psychopomp in the pantheon is usually a mistake. Someone has to take care of the dead, or the dead will take care of you.

What would the anthropomorphic personification of a Garbage Collection routine be? The chthonic god of dead data.

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